Another long night....facing some uncertainties...and again it perfectly reflected how little confidence I have in myself...2 and a half months passed...learned something, but still much to learn...the first time to really feel sorry for my patient...33yrs old lady, charm-looking, now lying on bed for 2 days, pending multi-organ failure, pending the only curative treatment : open heart surgery, but a re-do one....1/3 of mortality...you have to feel sorry for that, and you are so helpless, you can provide nothing, even finding a proper IV cannula access is extremely difficult, it takes the patient and us 3 hours to insert a femoral long line....

get my thumb injured again....being a surgeon, it's an unforgiveable sin...you never admit how useless you are until you get your most precious tool damaged and just can do nothing...I really get irritated...

Better set some new targets for myself during working....ok...to be able to perform an urgent bronchoscopy would be quite cool...so...better work for that..

and hockey soon will resume

Hope I won't get lost during on the way...