On-call again, 8th call of this month......

Recently start considering any chance for me to change my mind, give up orthopaedics and work in other surgical teams...dunno why such idea arise....may be I still have no chance to do orthopaedics still being a MO

Actually Cardiothoracic surgery (my current rotation) is quite interesting, and very challenging, but the road to become a competent surgeon in this field is way too long....

Sometimes I just doubt myself if I really have enough motivation and determination to become a really competent surgeon...seems I need to learn more from now on

OK...so set October as another new beginning..

And also...soon will resume life which just includes medicine and hockey mostly...that's good

so the lady can be transferred to ICU now, kind of struggling with her ET tube...the first time I see patient can survive with pH 6.9, BE-22, she probably has 4.5L fluid at extra vascular compartment, which may actually be more than her total blood volume..that's really the limit of human....but the terrible infection...still a very long way for her...

Another long night....facing some uncertainties...and again it perfectly reflected how little confidence I have in myself...2 and a half months passed...learned something, but still much to learn...the first time to really feel sorry for my patient...33yrs old lady, charm-looking, now lying on bed for 2 days, pending multi-organ failure, pending the only curative treatment : open heart surgery, but a re-do one....1/3 of mortality...you have to feel sorry for that, and you are so helpless, you can provide nothing, even finding a proper IV cannula access is extremely difficult, it takes the patient and us 3 hours to insert a femoral long line....

get my thumb injured again....being a surgeon, it's an unforgiveable sin...you never admit how useless you are until you get your most precious tool damaged and just can do nothing...I really get irritated...

Better set some new targets for myself during working....ok...to be able to perform an urgent bronchoscopy would be quite cool...so...better work for that..

and hockey soon will resume

Hope I won't get lost during on the way...

a TOTAL failure tonight.....what's wrong?